Loved

Do you remember the day you received your engagement ring?  Every girl does, right?  It is supposed to be a very memorable day in any girl's life. 

November 15th, 2008 was that day for me.

The day started off with work.  Afterwards, a co-worker and I went out to grab a bite to eat.  I can remember the exact restaurant we were at and where we were sitting.  She was telling me the story of how her boyfriend committed suicide.  Not knowing anyone who committed suicide before, I sat and listened to her story.  I was completely sadden how someone so young would take their life and how many lives that one person affected.  My aunt called when she was telling me about her boyfriend.  I didn't want to be rude since she was telling me such a sensitive story.  I can always call her later.

I remember going home and taking a nap.  I remember my husband came home and woke me up right away with excitement.  He had the most beautiful ring. 

My first reaction was to send my family a picture.  I knew they wouldn't see the picture until the next day since they were three hours behind.

The next day, I woke to a message on my cell phone from my mother. I was waiting to hear a message of excitement from her. Instead, the message wasn't excitement at all.

I remember calling my mom and no answer. So I called my grandma because I was a little worried about the message my mom had sent me. Not to mention, I also sent the picture to my grandma. My grandma picked up the phone crying.

Then she told me the news.. my aunt was dead. All she told me was that her heart had stopped.  I couldn't believe it.  I dropped to the floor in horror. She just called me yesterday! I remember crying to my husband that my aunt was dead.

 I ran into our room and locked myself in there.
 I didn't want to talk to anyone.
 Completely helpless and 2,000 miles away from my family.

I called my cousin. I knew I had nothing to say about her mother's death. I was just hoping she would tell me that it was all a lie. Instead all she said to me was: "She killed herself, Kimmy, she killed herself". Wait.. what?! All grandma told me was the her heart stopped. We sat there in silence. So many questions to ask, but no one is answering. There were no answers.

How could this be so? She just called me yesterday! But I ignored her call, because I thought I could just call her tomorrow.  Talk about taking things for granted.. because I never thought that tomorrow would never come. I didn't even check the message she left me because I could call her tomorrow.

She left me a message to say goodbye.

I didn't even listen to the message until after I knew she was already gone.

It was her goodbye. It wasn't fair. I never got to say goodbye. All I did was ignore her phone call. And she was calling to say goodbye. Goodbye forever.

I would be lying if I told you I didn't keep coming back to this post, debating on whether to delete it or not.  Or that I didn't cry once writing this. I posted something similar to this before but pulled it.  It was too personal.  With the opening of my new shop, I needed to get personal.  I needed to tell my story and how suicide has affected my life.

Loved is the name of the new shop.  We all need to be reminded that we are loved.

With every purchase from the shop, 20% will be donated to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. 

Let's help make a difference.

There are other answers than suicide.

In Loving Memory of HAC.
11/16/62 - 11/15/08